"Today's post comes from L.C. over at A Life Of Authenticity. Thank you so much L.C. for helping single mamas to find the joy in motherhood!" - Brittany
Divorce was my choice…single motherhood was a consequence! Raising my children without a father in the home is nothing for others to pity me for or feel sad about.
I’ve been a single mom for 17 years and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Some days are easier than others….but every day is a challenge. Yes, there are days when I experience sadness and loneliness, but I have joy in my life.
I am a happy single woman raising my children. Had I remained married, there is no doubt in my mind, I would have been unhappy and my children would have been raised in a house built on lies.
Additionally, my children would have a skewed perspective of a loving, healthy marriage. Instead they see a happy, healthy, independent, thriving mom who happens to be single.
"I choose to love my reality, my present."
I love being a single mom. Does that sound weird? Hear my heart, I would love to be happily married with a Christ centered man who loves God first, me second and then my kids…but that’s not my reality.
I choose to love my reality, my present. That doesn’t make it less difficult! There’s just no time for pity parties or sadness about my circumstances. And that’s all there is to it!!
As a single mom, you can have a happy, thriving life! I believe there are 5 Must Haves to achieve that goal:
1. Choose Joy!
Ask yourself: What choices are you making today? Life is about choices….just like I chose to get a divorce. I choose to be happy and joyful in my single motherhood.
As a single mom, you may experience various emotions in any given day. It is the emotion that you allow the most time in your spirit, that you become and in turn, that emotion becomes part of your identity.
"Don't give sadness, negativity, or negative people residence in your spirit."
Don’t give sadness, negativity or negative people residence in your spirit. Cut negative people out of your life and keep the pity parties to a minimum!
When times get rough…and there will always be rough times, you need a strong foundation to stand on to know with an inner certainty that things will work out. My daily devotion puts me on the right track at the beginning of ever day!
Because I start my day off right, I’m able to see with clarity how God is working in my life, every day. I thank Him for the small stuff (avoiding traffic jams) and the big stuff!! When I must present a big project to my manager in his office and he then sincerely praises me for my good work. I silently thank God, and I praise Him all the way back to my office because I know that it is because of Him, I am successful.
"Give your situation and your children to God. He will take care of both better than you."
I also know that He loves my kids so much more than I do….which is insane!! So, when my 19-year-old isn’t making the best choices in life I’m assured that everything will work out. God’s got him, just like He’s got me. (Romans 8:28)
Give your situation and your children to God. He will take care of both better than you. Trust that He has your back! As a single mom, there is no better partner to raise our children, than Him.
3. Support System
A support system is critical! My support system consists of my family and friends (both single and married), some with children and without. It is with the help of a support system that my children can see examples of healthy, loving marriages. They can also see strong, independent single moms raising children like me!
It is also with the help of a support system that my son and daughter can have strong male role models in their life. They need that!
Find a support system today. Don’t make it a chore. There are people in your circle whom would welcome a genuine and authentic friendship. There is so much of that fake stuff out in the world, we are all yearning for authentic connections.
If you truly have no one to do life with, start off by interacting with people at church or join a small group. Perhaps another single mom is also seeking a friend. Take the first step!
4. Be Present & Focus
It is so important to be present! (I still struggle with this one.) When you are with your kids…be with your kids. When they want to play, put the phone and laptop to the side, kick off your shoes, get down on the floor…and play. If you must schedule playtime with your kids then put it on the calendar. I do and it works. Focus on what’s in front of you!
"When they want to play, put the phone and laptop to the side, kick off your shoes, get down on the floor…and play."
Same is true with problems or challenges in life. Focus on the one problem in front of you. God only gave us 24 hours in a day because that’s all our small minds can deal with at a time. Yet, we constantly are wrapped up in the future, and what’s going to happen.
Don’t worry about what may or may not happen tomorrow. Leave tomorrow to God and just focus on today, the present!
If you don’t care for yourself you will have nothing to give to your children. One benefit of a support system is to give you the time and space to care for yourself.
"If you don’t care for yourself you will have nothing to give to your children."
Your support system is there to help you, so ask for help, when you need a breather (or a mental health day). It is amazing how much perspective you can gain when you are able to just BE and care for yourself.
I hope you have found these tips to be helpful. You can find joy in single motherhood.
I’d love to hear how you are doing!
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Hi there! My name is Brittany...helpmeet to T.J. and homeschooling mom to 5 little blessings. Memoirs Of A Good Thing is a ministry that is cultivating encouragement, support, and faith through the testimonies of women! Read more about my journey and the Memoirs of a Good Thing ministry here!